MM MECC ANICA

The concept of water and flow is becoming a theme for me in all assessments, tests, readings, interactions, and experiences, but this “going with the flow thing”—being water—well… it seems things are a bit more fluid than what I’m capable of understanding or communicating.

Big surprise.

No longer fighting the current. No longer being the rock. No longer trying to form things around yourself. Letting go of desires and the prisons they create.

There is a freedom in surrendering to flow but it comes with the possibility of being swept downstream…

_{NOTE: I am not talking about “flow state.”}

While an evolving concept, I think I missed this in past thoughts of my process trying not to be the rock. As has proven norm for me in the past, I defaulted to black and white or flicking a match at a pool of pure gasoline completely ignoring the possibility of dilution with diesel to mitigate the explosive combustion. I’m learning you just have to find your own shade or find some faith in someone and their hard learned lessons, before you throw that match, or, accept you are the type to lose the eyebrows for the sake of self improvement through learned failure.

Mix some diesel in next time dude. They’ll probably grow in again.

When I look back at my last interpretation of the lesson of crossing the river in Portugal, there was a goal, but far from obvious or apparent to me… crossing the river… fucking a.

Going with the flow supported my goal, but a goal there was. This wasn’t full surrender, it was freedom in allowing myself to use the flow available to me to aid in my journey. The goal was crossing the river; it didn’t need to be struggling against cross current to get exactly where I wanted, being on the other side was enough, and well, from the other side, I could get exactly where I wanted much easier than fighting a dam released tidally outflowing current.

Oh how far I’ve come.

Full surrender to the flow would’ve been me jumping downstream, allowing water to fill my waders ending up stuffed under a driftwood pile on one of the downstream bends or bloated and adrift in the Atlantic. There might be some peace in that for some, but in my mind, I would’ve just come back to where I am now on the next go-round; learning the same lessons. …something tells me I know how this goes already…

So, I’m dwelling on this concept as after a text conversation with a friend about his own dying leaf life lesson in progress and I’m at 30,000’ on a plane in someone else’s hands to take me somewhere… a goal (the destination) and surrender (you have zero fucking control now)… hey look at that!…

So, thinking and processing this to whys, whats, and hows.

To start; I believe, we all have some reason we are here, now, doing us. I can’t say why, but the messages, my evaluation, and gut tells me overall system evolution toward recombined oneness and love. Any time you try something otherwise, it’s a struggle. That might be the clue. Take that as you want, but I’d say go back and look at pretty much every historical teaching, east or west. Your mileage may vary, but I suspect we don’t arrive far from each other.

With that said, I don’t know what my what is, if a what is my reason to be here, or if I actually need to have a what, but I can express that the more I lean into full presence at every moment possible, the better everything seems to unfold. Slowly my attachments to what or what is, or what needs to be, are melting away, because what has been shown as the most important to me; presence and love and flows to support them, can develop and show in many ways. It is showing as simply as giving up stressing what I forgot on the grocery list and having blueberries dropped and smashed across the parking asphalt solving the forgotten riddle, or me going into the garage after being super excited to get my motorcycle back on the road, hitting a mechanical snag, shrugging it off and then using that same energy to sear a ribeye in duck fat with a side of mushrooms for my wife (her favorite meal) and then to sit, savor and connect over it.

…both outcomes; me accomplishing and doing something solo that I love and spending time with my best friend, lover and overall incredible human…were…presence and love… guess what… No matter which way it went, I ended up in the more present and loving scenario of the two. Hard to dwell on a garage snag when I look at where having an overall goal sent me.

What I’m describing above takes surrender and acceptance but still holding to the goal of where I know I want to be, and how I want to live; being with the person I love and doing things passionately as they are possible.

The problem I frequently encounter occurs when that flow is disrupted and I unknowingly manipulate myself to go with a flow that doesn’t serve myself or my family. This seems to happen because I didn’t prioritize a goal at that time to provide as a direction with which I can use that flow to support. What ends up happening is that I am pulled away in a different flow, someone else’s, or something else’s. This is where I find myself often frustrated, confused, stuck, waders full stuffed under driftwood in a river bend.

What’s my point? I assume I’m trying to tell myself to have clearer goals with which the rest of my life can support and use as the target of my efforts, aspirations and, as we all have to do in this human life, decision making. If I know I need to cross the river somewhere over there ish, I need to let go of the specificity, allow the current to help advise the direction, only work and fight where absolutely needed to support the goal. I need to be clear with ,my intentions with others, and if it bothers them, that’s their drama, not mine. Let them be the rocks.

It’s becoming apparent that love (in all senses not just romantic) always seems to be the goal on the other side of the river; masterfully light feet, balance and occasional slips are no different than the highs, lows, joy and pain of love, both made possible by heavy amounts of vulnerability and acceptance.

Questions I’m constantly asking myself: What flow are you in? Who’s flow is it? Is it yours? Is it someone else’s they’ve convinced you is yours? What is your goal? Is what you are doing supporting that goal? How do you even know you are in the right flow? Are you fighting the current?

If I am constantly fighting and that seems to be mostly what I’m feeling and identifying with, I’ve learned I am probably in someone else’s flow. When this happens, I need to find a bank, any bank, but don’t panic in getting there. Reset my intention and re-enter a flow when I can, using the current to support your path to wherever it is I want to be. Now it’s my flow. Accept that it wont always be a clear path, but allow it to support me in getting to that other side.

As an aside… all that shit I’m carrying, probably needs to go too, less weight (in any sense), generally aids in better flowyness…

I don’t control the flows, I’m learning to use them. I keep having to remember, if I don’t know what matters to me or where I want to go, I’ll just be swept downstream.

ENDNOTES : I am posting this stream of consciousness while still conflicted on the thoughts above, as they seem guided by me trying to control the process which seems very much like old me. My internal tour guide provided this quote to me to help support that finding my own flow isn’t control; “In surrender you do not ignore yourself.” Going to sit with this for a bit, as I’m also discovering I have been in the ‘void’ post last journey.