MM MECC ANICA

My first eviction. A process in learning. A person astray, not reaching out to the tools provided to them. Entering darkness in communication rather than the light of conversation that could have improved his current state. Anger, fear and loneliness washed down with alcohol. A cage of constraints self imposed, preventing the solvable path from entering. Why? Why would someone, when provided with more options than any other property manager would’ve given them, choose to ignore the path provided? How could they not see this?

Warnings with help.

Help without warnings.

No change.

Eviction.

Blame, anger, frustration, homelessness.

In a discussion around this circumstance, a friend asked me, “if you see a dead leaf on the tree does it mean the tree is unhealthy?”

My answer, “not always”

…so, let’s play with this…

In life this soul is struggling. Is he the dying leaf? Hard to know, but he’s certainly an unhealthy leaf on the tree, but is the tree dying? Does saving that one leaf in this moment affect the tree? Who am I to control the fate of this leaf?

My struggle and frustration over this scenario was my drama not his. The questions of did I do enough, was I capable enough to have done more, don’t actually matter, because it was for me in disguise for him. If it was for him, I wouldn’t have gotten frustrated when he wasn’t seeing or listening. Did I have to do all I did? No. Could I have done none of it and arrived at the same result? Highly likely. I was tied to an outcome I couldn’t control. Sometimes you can’t save a dying leaf… if it was ever yours to save. Sometimes a leaf needs to die to bring life elsewhere. Which am I stopping?

This person ended up in the same place regardless of my efforts. So why carry the burden of this leaf, they did not ask me for help. I assumed they needed it and wanted it. I expected something from it. My desire, my drama. 

Looking at this lesson in retrospect, why did I let myself get caught in his issues and drama; Have I done my part? Do I even have a part? Does my part in his path actually matter? If my attempted help didn’t matter… well then, it was the same as providing no help. So if I provided no help, and surrendered to that concept, would the situation unfolded any differently? Likely not.

…Seeing it for what it is…

When you look at the forest you don’t judge trees for their unique aspects; their porcupine chewed spires, their wind broken branches, their antler scared bases, their lighting struck facets. It’s part of their experience of a tree. Some aspects more dramatic than others and each has its own path of growth. Some lack water, some lack sun, some catch fire, some split, some snap in half and regrow, some die. In death the forest still brings life and provides for other organisms that thrive. If I wasn’t around, the trees would still be the trees in whatever way they are.

Trying to fight that system in nature and humanity is a self indulging thing.

Reframing my mind to look at other humans as you would look at forest allows me to not try and change the path they are on, not get caught in their drama, just see them and myself as just is and just are. Every tree, bush, human, has had those scars forcing growth in its own unique way and all supporting a much greater ecosystem that we care to accept. Some will die, some will get sick, some will not grow as tall as the others, some will flourish, some will breed new life, some will sustain life in the shadow of others. Believing I am one to adjust their path is a ridiculous hubris. When attached to the deliverable of trying to change, I am only bringing more drama to myself, because it’s my attachment craving that change, not theirs. 

Later in the day 55 miles away from the forest I wrote this in…

The leaf returns; blowing along the sidewalk downtown. Connected energy man, somehow this situation is still not done teaching me a lesson. My instinct was to take him to lunch, but why? What was I looking for out of it?

Surrender…after everything I wrote above this morning… keep driving.

It’s not your drama.