MM MECC ANICA

Pulling away the fairings and valences of my belief structure to explore and discover who I am underneath it all.

In speaking with a close friend the other day about the path I’m on to aid in the start of their path — I was churning up my experiences, from struggles to wins, in an effort to better prep them for what they may also encounter in the future.

While it’s not my place, or possible, to tell anyone how it’s going to be for them, I can share what I’ve experienced and can look back on what have been the most helpful discoveries that aided in my path.

Through 2 heavy journeys and a fuck ton of non-medicated work, the thought that I’m going to lose myself and everything I’ve accomplished and acquired still picks at the back of my thinking brain the deeper and deeper I go…

I have such a fear of losing myself, my things, my life and the reality I am living in, that it continues to be an anchor keeping forward progress from happening. While that anchor is getting smaller and less effective, it’s still there. You will see this concept pop up in both Ctrl+Alt+Delete (1) and the Beginning and Ctrl + Alt + Delete (2ⁿ)

The truth is, through the last year and half of work, I have lost a lot of who I was. It’s been scary and difficult, but it has come with the beauty that I’m more myself now than I’ve ever been.

Fear, the main driver in my life; still exists, but shrinks every step I take. Through this process and my efforts to dissolve it, I discover that the more I can release what I expect myself to be, often disguised as what I think the world expects of me, the freer and more my true self I become.

Vulnerability, surrender, acceptance, skeptical open-mindedness, unadulterated honesty with myself and semi-unadulterated honesty with others, are also struggles.

Stirring on this concept, I remember The Comfort Crisis and Antifragile. Two great books that I read in the year before I jumped head first into changing my life. While The Comfort Crisis is an easier read wrapped in fun stories about cool people, it very simply and clearly displays the concepts around how being too comfortable is a detriment to us as humans. Antifragile, reading more like a peer reviewed white paper, takes the concept to all aspects of our world and builds a strong understanding of what and where it can be applied, and reinforces that we can learn to get stronger through disorder and stress…within mechanical/reasonable limits or as I would say, the good old “Italian Tune Up”… Antifragile has resonated with me on every step of my journey, and is a concept I sit on daily; but I would suggest reading The Comfort Crisis as a step before going into Antifragile.